I saw this message spray-painted in the middle of my walk to the produce shop today.
“All men cry quietly.” All men cry quietly. All men cry. Quietly.
I continued on, still chewing on it when I passed it again on the way back down the hill.
It is March (again? Still?), and it is Women’s History Month. Because of this, and not despite it, I think “All men cry quietly” is a timely statement to unpack.
More and more I am realizing that feminism is only partly about biological makeup and its consequences in our society. Another key aspect of it is, in a more abstract, energetic sense, reclaiming anything subconsciously deemed “feminine and therefore bad”— “feminine and therefore lesser.”
Crying, or expressing emotions in general, for example. Sensitivity. Rest. Creativity. Wonder. Beauty. Vulnerability. Introversion. Nurturing.
I’m taking this moment to hype up all of it.
Devaluing these traits affects women, surely—personally, as a sensitive, introverted, creative person it took a shockingly long time to not feel shame for wanting a career a) that I loved and b) that didn’t burn me out– but who is purely masculine? Who is purely feminine? If we’re being perfectly honest… if we filtered out the population for those requirements… we’d be left with psychopaths and robots.
Feminism, then, is for all of us. While it absolutely says “get lost” to any notion that women need to be entirely feminine to be “good” (thank goodness, say my sportiness, boundaries, and ambition), it isn’t about women being entirely masculine either, and it surely isn’t about men being entirely masculine— because we need both parts of the equation. On an individual standpoint, we need hustle and action or nothing would happen, but we also need quiet and art and emotions or nothing would have meaning. No one would feel connected to themselves or each other.
We need this all to be “good,” because when it is all expressed, the resulting balance is so incredibly good. The masculine parts of you are good. The feminine parts of you are good.
We need humans. Finally allowed to be humans. And, for God’s sake (and I mean that), we need to stop de-valuing anything creative, compassionate, or emotionally healthy.
So, to all the men (and women who have also internalized that a rigid toughness is the only way to succeed in this world) I leave you with this: Feel free to cry loudly. I am here for you. It is normal and it feels really frickin’ good and I could probably use a good cry too.
May unity continue to be the name of the game, friends. Go forth and be.