I saw this message spray-painted in the middle of my walk to the produce shop today.
“All men cry quietly.” All men cry quietly. All men cry. Quietly.
I continued on, still chewing on it when I passed it again on the way back down the hill.
It is March (again? Still?), and it is Women’s History Month. Because of this, and not despite it, I think “All men cry quietly” is a timely statement to unpack.
More and more I am realizing that feminism is only partly about biological makeup and its consequences in our society. Another key aspect of it is, in a more abstract, energetic sense, reclaiming anything subconsciously deemed “feminine and therefore bad”— “feminine and therefore lesser.”
Crying, or expressing emotions in general, for example. Sensitivity. Rest. Creativity. Wonder. Beauty. Vulnerability. Introversion. Nurturing.
I’m taking this moment to hype up all of it.
Devaluing these traits affects women, surely—personally, as a sensitive, introverted, creative person it took a shockingly long time to not feel shame for wanting a career a) that I loved and b) that didn’t burn me out– but who is purely masculine? Who is purely feminine? If we’re being perfectly honest… if we filtered out the population for those requirements… we’d be left with psychopaths and robots.
Feminism, then, is for all of us. While it absolutely says “get lost” to any notion that women need to be entirely feminine to be “good” (thank goodness, say my sportiness, boundaries, and ambition), it isn’t about women being entirely masculine either, and it surely isn’t about men being entirely masculine— because we need both parts of the equation. On an individual standpoint, we need hustle and action or nothing would happen, but we also need quiet and art and emotions or nothing would have meaning. No one would feel connected to themselves or each other.
We need this all to be “good,” because when it is all expressed, the resulting balance is so incredibly good. The masculine parts of you are good. The feminine parts of you are good.
We need humans. Finally allowed to be humans. And, for God’s sake (and I mean that), we need to stop de-valuing anything creative, compassionate, or emotionally healthy.
So, to all the men (and women who have also internalized that a rigid toughness is the only way to succeed in this world) I leave you with this: Feel free to cry loudly. I am here for you. It is normal and it feels really frickin’ good and I could probably use a good cry too.
May unity continue to be the name of the game, friends. Go forth and be.
“When historians pick up their pens to write the story of the 21st century, let them say that it was your generation who laid down the heavy burdens of hate at last and that peace finally triumphed over violence, aggression, and war. So I say to you, walk with the wind, brothers and sisters, and let the spirit of peace and the power of everlasting love be your guide.”
Photo taken at the 2015 UNOSDP International Sport and Social Impact Summit, where youth leaders from 30+ countries united in a singular, hopeful cause. (Read on for Johana’s story!)
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Welcome back, friends!
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Things look different today. This morning, as I was sipping coffee, looking out into this sleepy Pittsburgh alley, and reading Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer (shout-out to Kaliyah for the recommendation!) I was reminded of one of the most powerful prayers in the game:
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“Lord, open my eyes to see where you are working.”
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That’s the incredible gift of this project: this very opening of the eyes, this ongoing discovery of where God has worked, is working, and will work in the lives of us all, nationwide, worldwide. It is seeing, one step at a time, how we are each called to participate in that work in our own way. I know I’m not the only one continually baffled by this!
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So, as we enter week three of this exploration in HOPE, I pray we all keep our eyes WIDE open. ♡
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“Where do you find hope?”
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“I find hope in remembering.
Remembering how God has provided for me in the past. In places where I don’t feel hopeful, I look back and remember the times that He has provided people to give me that hope, who showed me in difficult situations that I can find my hope in the Lord.
I find hope in looking back and seeing the growth from before to now, and seeing that there’s hope for change. That there will be joy and goodness amidst the struggle, or the being stuck, or whatever it might be.
I find hope in remembering my own life, in looking at the Bible, and at the stories of the saints and all who have gone before us. I find hope particularly in building relationship with young people and young leaders.”
Olivia Frahm has worked in Catholic youth ministry for the past five years. Currently, she works at the Catholic Youth team in Christchurch, New Zealand as the mission team supervisor, leading a team of four young women as they go into colleges and run retreats, camps, and youth groups. From 2018 to 2019, Liv was a librarian, English teacher, and after-school program coordinator at the Finca del Niño in Trujillo, Honduras. Her hidden talents are soulful belting of “I Won’t Give Up,” making soup that burns your mouth but is so good you aren’t mad about it, animating a Kiwi bird puppet to appear “de verdad,” and inspiring anyone close to her to live a more deeply rooted, and authentic life.
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“If HOPE is a belief that ‘something wanted or desired will happen,’ how does that feeling visit different communities and the individuals within? Hence it is at least a conundrum if not a complex irony to consider the question, ‘where do I find hope?’
Some find hope everywhere they look, though primarily because their ability to HOPE is an inherited ideal, one of their many unearned privileges.
Hope being something we desire happening isn’t necessarily a universal desire. I’m hoping for rain on the day you hope for sun. Perhaps if more people unpacked HOPE as an acronym, “Help Others, Provide Energy” I would feel less guilty hoping. Conversely, I unpack hope actively instead of passively. My identity as an able-bodied, cis-gendered, socio-politically situated man born without any ailments, physical and/or mental constraints in most of the pertinent categories of my identity allows me this advantage. Hence, my ability to hope and have my hopes achieve an unfettered fruition is an easy thing to miss if I’m not mindful of it.
I don’t have to hope to one day be able to demonstrate my love publicly as opposed to having my love closeted, regimenting me to a lifetime of loving privately, clothed in shame.
I’m able to walk unimpaired towards the possibility of hope, talk intelligently about my expectations of having hope. Seldom has anyone balked at my ability to hopefully walk and talk, though my race/my Blackness makes it more probable that I could end my life outlined in chalk.
Someone can hope for their paychecks fatter while others must hope that eventually their lives, though they are Black, may nonetheless matter.
Though I was fortunate enough that my family transcended poverty while I was in my childhood, serving me invaluable lessons about appreciating what was on my plate not having been an option for others, or the ‘Other,’ it is a fleeting thought that requires mindful vigilance for me to not lose it.
Many people’s hopes are inseparable from whatever luck they have experienced, oblivious of the fact that luck is nothing if not the residue of preparation. All that said, where I find hope is in the eyes, conversation, or actions of someone who struggles with hoping only for themselves and instead invests their hope in the wellbeing of others and then works towards actualizing it.“
Dr. J.W. Wiley is currently a full-time writer, with a novel published in 2019 titled, An Academic Lynching: Myth, Misandry, and Me, Too,” and an academic book published in 2013 titled, “The NIGGER in You: Challenging Dysfunctional Language, Engaging Leadership Moments,” and a consultant with his company Xamining Diversity. From 2000-2018 Dr. Wiley served as a professor of Philosophy and Interdisciplinary studies at State University of New York Plattsburgh, where he also was the Chief Diversity Officer, and the Director for the Center for Diversity, Pluralism, and Inclusion (CDPI). Dr. Wiley was co-writer/co-director of the documentary “Dissed-Respect: The Impact of Bullying,” He is also a traveling lecturer, and his talk on “Examining the Dimensions of Cool” at Notre Dame in 2016 was extremely formative in my earliest days of questioning how the notions of “haves” and “have-nots” play out in our culture—and how we can unpack these forces and work to change them. Dr. Wiley is, above all, an agent of hope, a beacon of wisdom shining away shadows of ignorance and apathy in the minds of all whom his messages reach.
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“My hope is found in God through Jesus Christ! It is through Jesus’ death on the cross for my sins and His resurrection that I no longer wander aimlessly, unsure of where my hope lies. I have assurance that whatever happens in this life, my eternity rests with God our Creator who loves and cares for us. It is the only hope that never fails and never changes. This Truth brings peace to my heart and soul through the trials and uncertainties of this life!
‘…and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.’ -Romans 5:5″
Dayelle Metras of Kansas City is one of the most empathetic people I have ever met, as she will meet someone exactly where they are in one moment—cry with them, pray with them, make them feel wholly heard and loved—and then will go on to make them laugh so hard they cry even harder. This makes her an incredible friend and an incredible nurse. Her dancing skills—salsa, punta, toe-tapping, she does it all!—will leave you awestruck, and her love for Jesus will leave you better than she found you.
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“‘Where do you find hope?’
For a Christian, this response can be easier to give—as hope makes our faith make sense.
In my life I have had highs and lows, but never have I been without hope for a better tomorrow.
I’ve known hope since I was small. I was very insecure as a child. I had speech problems. But I always sought help to work through this, and I always believed in myself. I always knew hope, that the sunshine will come out after a gray day.
When I was around 17 I began to see more attentively the problems of my country (Honduras), how many young people were breaking the law or in gangs all around me, and how this number was increasing. I knew how to help, but I knew it would be difficult work.
Yet, I have always liked to do things that challenge me as a person. I’ve always had hope, and the confidence that I am able to give more than I am.
When I was 18, I began volunteering in a prevention center that helped these vulnerable young people in my area. I began giving classes in Basic English, computation, and crafts. For four or five years, more or less, my daily routine was to go to my own school in the morning, and teach these classes in the afternoon.
Was I tired? Yes. But truly I felt that I was doing something positive for my country, and this was gratifying.
I was 21 when, due to my work at the center, I was selected to travel to the United States for a United Nations summit for young leaders. I never lost the faith as I was applying for this trip (As I said, I like a challenge!), and I had people surrounding me with so much support.
And there, in that place, my perspective of service work changed. I understood that God gives us a small piece of the world in which we live, and that the world is huge—and we can each do something wherever we are to make a better world. There were so many young people united there for this very cause. The love for a better world was there, concentrated in that place.
I returned to my country with a bigger heart for serving, wanting to help all those in need. I had discovered that the choice to serve, to be a volunteer, is a decision I can practice every day of my life—such as helping someone cross a street or assisting my neighbor when they need something. This type of work is a lifestyle, the hope of helping create a better world.
When I was 22 years old I decided to study law—in a country where it almost seemed like laws didn’t exist. That’s the irony of life! But hope lives on. People will say that being in a lawyer in my country will be the death of me (or crueler things than that!), but no one knows the amount of hope I find in this career. It is a noble job, as good lawyers are guardians of the earth!
I currently have a job with the government, so life is still ironic, because honestly I never thought I’d be where I am. But I like what I do, I try to go the extra mile, and hope that I can leave a positive footprint in my workplace. Doing this work is something I am proud of. I work for my country, with the faith and the hope of giving my tiny grain of sand so that this country has a better future.
And now, a cherry on top. In 2016, I was in a season of heartbreak and said, “One day I will know love…the love Mom and Dad have taught me for more than twenty years.” And today at age 25, more secure and authentic than I was before, I am sure that I have found the love of my life.
So, hope has been in every stage of my life. I am a very happy young woman because I understand that everything God does is good, and everything that God allows is necessary. God gives us hope, in sickness and tribulations. He promised the rainbow after the rain. He promised us hope.
Hope lives in every step we take. Despite the situation, hope always must be our best ally.
Hope is a reason to keep going forward.
Hope is for the living.
Hope is you.”
(translated)
Johana Cortes is currently studying Law in San Pedro Sula, Honduras, alongside her fiancé Gabriel. I had the honor of befriending her in 2015 for the UN camp in Florida (when my Spanish/Honduras knowledge was very minimal!) and reconnecting with her four years later in her hometown in Honduras, when I could thankfully talk about more than her favorite animal and the weather, and thus hear more of her story. Love for God and for others emanates from Johana, and her testimony of hope can remind us all of our little missions to tend to our small plot of the world.
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Going forward, may our eyes stay open to the work of God, may we walk with the wind toward building a better world in our pedacito of the world, and may “the spirit of peace and the power of everlasting love be your guide.” Have a hope-fueled week, everyone.
